My CV

I was born in June
Fourteenth if you need to know
Don't even start the age tune
A lady never ought to you know

I currently live in Holloway
And my email is not on display
But my telephone number you may
Keep in your records, that's okay

I went to school in Algeria
Where I did the Baccalauréat
Then a BEng at UMIST for many a year
Lastly a PhD sojourn in Cambridgeshire

I dipped my feet in Engineering
Then ran in horror and tried steering
Towards Science, saw its ugly face rearing
So I threw myself in a postoc fearing
It will be the end of my career gearing

I am one with a multitude of interests
Reading, writing and many shop conquests
Even cooking, baking, but no police arrests
Further references available on request

You should hire me because I'm the one
The only one in fact who possibly can
Take over your job from day one
Go on then if you're a real man
Gimme the bloody job and let me run
Break the news to my current man-
ager. Not being smug but payrise I've 'ad none

I want to work for you because
I've read about you in the news
You've a reputation of a goose
Firing staff by text, setting them loose
Damn! No choice, end of contract looms
I wake up everyday with mortgage blues

People's skills; now that's where am ace
Got a personality on me full of grace
Even in the most dire meeting, won't lose face
Whatever the job at hand, will adjust the pace
Whatever mess you need sorted, won't leave no trace

IT? Sure yeah, where d'ya think I wrote this
Am a whizz in everything I tell ya, that and this
Am cool as a cucumber, outstanding, will ya get this
Never lose my temper, yeah even if I don't get this

And now
Will
You
Give
Me
The
BLOODY JOB!

Sick Duck in Muck

*This masterpiece was inspired by my lovely friend and ex-colleague Andy, while we were having one of our 100 a day venting-off sessions about non-existent job satisfaction and career prospects.*

I am sick of my job
I want something new, exciting, full stop
Research is nothing but a big gob
And I no longer want to be part of the mob

I just feel like a sick duck
Who's stuck
In a pond of muck,
Don't say's alright chuck,
`Cause I know nobody gives a *uck!
Where's my luck?
Looks like it ran away in a truck

But Mama says it's all for the best
Everything is only just a test
So I should give it a rest
Live, laugh and build my nest
Avoid stress for it's like the pest
And then life will regain its zest