Oye Grand-Dad!

*This poem was composed for Berni, on his 31^st birthday, for those of you who don't get poetry innit, do you know what I mean?*

Today Berni is 31
That’s 30 years of perfection, plus one
Look at him there, accomplished sportsman
Cycling, knocking the miles one after one
But now it’s safety first grand-dad man!
At your age, up-hill is no longer an option (read opshan)

But you are still virility at its prime
And number 31 is prime
In our hearts will always be your shrine
We’ll adore you always, be it in rain or sunshine
Without you all women will sure decline
Only you can bring ‘em happiness so sublime
To your charms they’ll always incline

But at 31 it is time you dismounted
Before you get ousted
Due to old age and long lasted
Roaming about in bushes; belt unfastened
If she knew, your Mum will be dumbfounded
And your lovely nieces will be astounded
But to us you’re simply adoration unbounded

If I had your head

*This poem was composed, on the spot, by me and my dear ex-colleague Andy, in our then office (Room 221). The poem is so delightful, I instantly saved it in Word. This followed a discussion we had about I can't remember what. The only thing I can remember is that he was well impressed with my head and felt so inspired that he started a verse saying:*

If I had your head
I’d be lying on a beach in the Med
Surrounded by bonny women⁺
Drinking Baccardi^# and being nuts fed
But instead
Am in Knutsford (read Nutsfed)
Lying on this shitty bed
Drinking water and eating bread
I’ve lost my head
I’m off to bed

⁺ The beauty of this verse is that it is as versatile as the potential reader's sexuality (am not implying anything here). Depending on whether you are man/woman, you can use either "bonny women" or " groovy fit men"

^# I tend to favour "iced tea" here, but Andy likes Baccardi and other alcoholic beverages.

Knutsford is where Andy is living currently.

Berni goes to the US

*This poem was inspired by my lovely friend Berni. After finishing his PhD, I learnt that he was heading for the US for a post-doctoral placement - Harvard, no less.*

I learnt that Berni is leaving
For the US he is heading
In his research field, he’ll be leading
But am not sure how he’ll be feeling
Away from the mates and Salome’s feeding

I know I will never go there
Because it fills me with dread and scare
That country is too far and gossip is rare
Besides I’m not sure I can afford the fare
And to be honest, am not in total despair

I will miss Berni though, sure I will
For memories of photo sessions haunt me still
And times of laughter and cycling uphill
Even though his ego sometimes went downhill
I’ll always prescribe my praise as a pill

Webcam Eyes

*This poem was inspired by my lovely friend Piotr. We were in the same college at Cambridge and were even housemates for 3 years at Bateman Street! This poem was inspired by an MSN conversation we had about his students and research project (something to do with webcam eyes!£%$#?). The conversation itself was only about 3 lines, as he was incredibly un-cooperative with my efforts to extract information from him.*

Piotr said he cannot remember faces
Even those of his most brilliant aces
No wonder he looks like he’s living in mazes
Not knowing silk from wool from laces

I wanted to write a poem about his supervisions
And I needed provisions
But he was about as helpful as a bunch of pigeons
And I felt like I was in a prison
So I used muffins to avoid further collisions

Then he said he is interested in what he does
Does that mean he is mad if he does?
I think it does
So I told him it’ll be sung in bars
And everyone in Britain will know him as
Piotra the Webcam Eyes

Curry pan is the plan

*This poem was inspired by a reunion trip to Cambridge, where me and my lovely friend Anna decided to go back there and pay a visit to the Natesans; Senthil Natesan is another lovely friend who, at the time, had only recently got married to lovely Selva. Again, Anna and Senthil went to the same college as me and were also my housemates for 3 years at Bateman Street!.*

Got an email from Anna
She wanted to know the plan
Because we’d agreed we were gonna
Go to Cambridge to visit the clan

It wasn’t like Jude and Sienna
Were awaiting us there with a glorious tan
Will more likely be Piotra, Saloma & Natesan
Together with lovely Selva and a curry pan

Not feeling well

I woke up today
And was not feeling okay
From work, I decided to keep away
Because that office fills me with dismay
But also to keep further contamination at bay

Andrew said he has an interview at noon
I said I hope you will leave your cocoon
And impress the interviewer soon
So much so that he’ll offer you the moon
And feed you compliments by the spoon

Meanwhile I spent the morning on a chair
With a nice fire raging away as in despair
And the Mamas & Papas tunes filling the air
Accompanied by a melodious sneeze here and there
I drank coffee, soup and took a Paracetamol pair
Hoping I will feel better because it’ll only be fair

Cafe Philo

*Nazim is another lovely friend of mine. We met in London and he is the first Azeri person I ever met. He likes Persian poetry but I think he won't know what hit him when he reads my poetry - it's just so exquisite, isn't it.*

Today Nazim asked me to go
And share some time in Cafe Philo
I said No
Because my computer said Nooooo
He got upset and so
I wrote him a note to show
That he shouldn't feel low
And all this happened a second ago