Webcam Eyes

*This poem was inspired by my lovely friend Piotr. We were in the same college at Cambridge and were even housemates for 3 years at Bateman Street! This poem was inspired by an MSN conversation we had about his students and research project (something to do with webcam eyes!£%$#?). The conversation itself was only about 3 lines, as he was incredibly un-cooperative with my efforts to extract information from him.*

Piotr said he cannot remember faces
Even those of his most brilliant aces
No wonder he looks like he’s living in mazes
Not knowing silk from wool from laces

I wanted to write a poem about his supervisions
And I needed provisions
But he was about as helpful as a bunch of pigeons
And I felt like I was in a prison
So I used muffins to avoid further collisions

Then he said he is interested in what he does
Does that mean he is mad if he does?
I think it does
So I told him it’ll be sung in bars
And everyone in Britain will know him as
Piotra the Webcam Eyes